{"id":753,"date":"2026-09-29T07:55:26","date_gmt":"2026-09-29T07:55:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.francescomazzarella.eu\/un-modo-di-essere-quando-ascoltare-significa-fare-spazio-allaltro-carl-rogers\/"},"modified":"2026-10-03T11:24:49","modified_gmt":"2026-10-03T11:24:49","slug":"un-modo-di-essere-quando-ascoltare-significa-fare-spazio-allaltro-carl-rogers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.francescomazzarella.eu\/en\/un-modo-di-essere-quando-ascoltare-significa-fare-spazio-allaltro-carl-rogers\/","title":{"rendered":"A Way of Being \u2013 When listening means making room for another person \u2013 Carl Rogers"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><code><\/code><\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"fm-inner-page fm-oltre-puntata\">\n\n<style>\n\/* OLTRE LA PUNTATA \u2013 ARTICOLO *\/\n\n.fm-oltre-puntata{\n  color:#13213b;\n  background:#ffffff;\n}\n\n.fm-oltre-puntata .fm-page-hero{\n  padding:120px 0 96px;\n  background:\n    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line-height:1.9;\n}\n\n.fm-article-body p{\n  margin:0 0 26px;\n}\n\n.fm-article-body h2{\n  margin:64px 0 22px;\n  font-size:clamp(1.7rem,3vw,2.55rem);\n  line-height:1.18;\n  letter-spacing:-0.02em;\n  color:#13213b;\n}\n\n.fm-article-body strong{\n  color:#13213b;\n}\n\n.fm-article-lead{\n  font-size:1.22rem;\n  line-height:1.85;\n}\n\n.fm-article-quote{\n  margin:46px 0;\n  padding:30px 34px;\n  border-left:5px solid #ff8c1a;\n  border-radius:0 24px 24px 0;\n  background:linear-gradient(135deg,#fff8f0,#ffffff);\n  font-size:1.2rem;\n  line-height:1.7;\n  font-weight:700;\n}\n\n.fm-article-question{\n  margin:54px 0;\n  padding:36px;\n  border-radius:28px;\n  background:\n    linear-gradient(135deg,rgba(255,140,26,.10),rgba(22,93,255,.09));\n  border:1px solid rgba(22,93,255,.13);\n}\n\n.fm-article-question h2{\n  margin-top:0;\n}\n\n.fm-article-experiment{\n  margin:48px 0;\n  padding:34px;\n  border-radius:28px;\n  background:#ffffff;\n  border:1px solid rgba(22,93,255,.14);\n  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.fm-article-experiment{\n    padding:25px;\n  }\n\n  .fm-oltre-buttons{\n    display:grid;\n  }\n\n  .fm-oltre-buttons .fm-btn{\n    width:100%;\n  }\n}\n<\/style>\n\n\n<!-- HERO -->\n<section class=\"fm-page-hero\">\n  <div class=\"fm-container\">\n    <div class=\"fm-page-hero-content\">\n\n      <span class=\"fm-oltre-label\">\n        Beyond the episode\n      <\/span>\n\n      <h1>\n        When listening becomes a relationship\n      <\/h1>\n\n      <p class=\"fm-page-subtitle\">\n        Carl Rogers, empathy and the difficult art of not taking up the other person's space.\n      <\/p>\n\n    <\/div>\n  <\/div>\n<\/section>\n\n\n<!-- ARTICOLO -->\n<section class=\"fm-section fm-section-light\">\n  <div class=\"fm-container\">\n\n    <article class=\"fm-article-wrap fm-article-body\">\n\n      <p class=\"fm-article-lead\">\n        There is a moment in many conversations when we stop listening without even realising it.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        The other person is still speaking, but we have already begun to form our reply.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        We look for advice to give, a similar experience to share, an explanation or perhaps even a solution.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        Not necessarily because we do not care about what the other person is saying.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        In fact, often the opposite is true:\n        <strong>we want to help.<\/strong>\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        Yet precisely when we try to be helpful, we risk doing something very subtle:\n        <strong>taking up the other person's space.<\/strong>\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        This is where Carl Rogers continues to pose a remarkably relevant question.\n      <\/p>\n\n\n      <h2>Silence is not enough<\/h2>\n\n      <p>\n        We readily associate listening with silence.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        I am not speaking, so I must be listening.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        But we can remain completely silent while judging, interpreting, preparing a reply or simply waiting for our turn to talk about ourselves.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        The kind of listening Rogers describes asks more of us.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        In his person-centred approach, empathy is not a technique on its own. It goes hand in hand with congruence \u2013 being genuine in the relationship \u2013 and unconditional positive regard for the other person.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        In Rogers's original formulation, these conditions concerned the therapeutic relationship. Over time, however, his work broadened this perspective to human relationships more generally.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <div class=\"fm-article-quote\">\n        It is not simply about learning a few phrases to sound more empathetic. It is about how we choose to be present with another person.\n      <\/div>\n\n\n      <h2>When the other person becomes a problem to solve<\/h2>\n\n      <p>\n        Someone tells us about a difficulty.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        Almost automatically, we think:\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p><em>If I were you, I would\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        Or:\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p><em>The same thing happened to me\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        Or even:\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p><em>I think the real problem is\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        These are perfectly ordinary phrases.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        Sometimes they can even help.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        But notice what has happened.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        In a matter of seconds, the conversation has shifted from the other person's experience to our interpretation of it.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        They were telling their story.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        We have taken that story into our own world and handed it back, already explained.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        This is a very common way of showing closeness.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        But it is not always listening.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        Rogers shifts the centre of the relationship: the person before us is not merely someone to whom we must provide the best answer.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        They are someone capable of exploring and understanding their own experience and finding their own direction, especially within a relationship where they feel sufficiently accepted and understood.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        That profoundly changes our role.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <div class=\"fm-article-quote\">\n        Perhaps I do not need to fix you straight away.<br>\n        Perhaps I first need to try to meet you.\n      <\/div>\n\n\n      <h2>The difficult part of empathy<\/h2>\n\n      <p>\n        Empathy is often described as the ability to put ourselves in someone else's shoes.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        It is a helpful image, but it can mislead us.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        Because I might imagine what\n        <strong>I<\/strong> would feel in your situation and still, in effect, be talking about myself.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        Rogers's perspective calls for something subtler: approaching another person's world and trying to understand it from their point of view, while remembering that the experience remains theirs.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        And perhaps this is where listening becomes a relationship.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        I draw closer.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        But I do not intrude.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        I try to understand.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        But I do not presume to know exactly what you feel.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        I remain present.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        But I do not replace your story with my own.\n      <\/p>\n\n\n      <h2>Sometimes \u2018I understand\u2019 is too much<\/h2>\n\n      <p>\n        Think how often we say:\n      <\/p>\n\n      <div class=\"fm-article-quote\">\n        \u2018I understand you perfectly.\u2019\n      <\/div>\n\n      <p>\n        We almost always mean it kindly.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        And yet perhaps a more respectful way of listening would be to say:\n      <\/p>\n\n      <div class=\"fm-article-quote\">\n        \u2018I'm trying to understand.\u2019\n      <\/div>\n\n      <p>\n        The difference may seem small.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        It is not.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        In the first case, I may already have closed off the meaning of the other person's experience.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        In the second, I leave a space open.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        It is this space that allows the other person to add:\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        \u2018No, wait. That's not quite it.\u2019\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        And we can respond:\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        \u2018Then help me understand better.\u2019\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        At that moment, we have not lost the conversation.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        <strong>We have begun to listen.<\/strong>\n      <\/p>\n\n\n      <h2>And then came digital communication<\/h2>\n\n      <p>\n        This difficulty certainly did not begin with WhatsApp, social media or smartphones.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        But digital technology can amplify it.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        A message arrives and we can reply before we have even had time to absorb what we have read.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        A voice note arrives and, while listening to it, we are already thinking about our own reply.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        Someone shares something on social media and, seconds later, another person interprets, judges, advises or corrects.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        We have extraordinary tools for communication.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        But speed does not guarantee the quality of a relationship.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <div class=\"fm-article-quote\">\n        We can be constantly contactable yet rarely truly available.\n      <\/div>\n\n      <p>\n        Perhaps this is one of the paradoxes of our time: we have more and more ways to speak, yet we must relearn how to make space for listening.\n      <\/p>\n\n\n      <div class=\"fm-article-experiment\">\n\n        <span class=\"fm-kicker\">Try it now<\/span>\n\n        <h2>A small experiment<\/h2>\n\n        <p>\n          The next time someone tells you something important, try observing more than just them.\n        <\/p>\n\n        <p>\n          <strong>Observe yourself.<\/strong>\n        <\/p>\n\n        <p>\n          When do you feel the urge to interrupt?\n        <\/p>\n\n        <p>\n          When does a solution come to mind?\n        <\/p>\n\n        <p>\n          When do you feel the need to share a similar experience?\n        <\/p>\n\n        <p>\n          When do you begin to form a judgement?\n        <\/p>\n\n        <p>\n          You do not necessarily have to stop yourself doing all these things.\n        <\/p>\n\n        <p>\n          First, simply try to notice them.\n        <\/p>\n\n        <p>\n          Because perhaps the first step towards more authentic listening is not immediately becoming a better listener.\n        <\/p>\n\n        <p>\n          It is recognising\n          <strong>how many things we do while believing that we are listening.<\/strong>\n        <\/p>\n\n      <\/div>\n\n\n      <h2>The question changes<\/h2>\n\n      <p>\n        At this point, the question is no longer simply:\n      <\/p>\n\n      <div class=\"fm-article-quote\">\n        Can I listen?\n      <\/div>\n\n      <p>\n        It becomes something more personal:\n      <\/p>\n\n      <div class=\"fm-article-question\">\n\n        <span class=\"fm-kicker\">Within the relationship<\/span>\n\n        <h2>What happens inside me when the other person speaks?<\/h2>\n\n        <p>\n          Why do I need to reply?\n        <\/p>\n\n        <p>\n          Why does their silence make me uncomfortable?\n        <\/p>\n\n        <p>\n          Why do certain words immediately make me want to correct them?\n        <\/p>\n\n        <p>\n          Why do some of their experiences so quickly turn into stories about me?\n        <\/p>\n\n      <\/div>\n\n      <p>\n        And this is precisely where a podcast episode or an article is no longer enough.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        Because understanding the meaning of listening is relatively straightforward.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        <strong>\n          Observing how we actually behave in relationships is something else.\n        <\/strong>\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        It takes time, practice, questions and sometimes the opportunity to revisit the same experience from another perspective.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        Perhaps this is the most interesting possibility Rogers leaves open.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        Listening is not just something we do with our ears.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        <strong>It is a way of being with another person.<\/strong>\n      <\/p>\n\n      <p>\n        And inevitably, it reveals something about us too.\n      <\/p>\n\n\n      <div class=\"fm-article-question\">\n\n        <span class=\"fm-kicker\">A question to live with<\/span>\n\n        <h2>\n          How much space can I truly leave for the other person?\n        <\/h2>\n\n        <p>\n          When someone talks to me, how much room can I truly give them before my need to speak, explain, correct or tell my own story enters the relationship?\n        <\/p>\n\n      <\/div>\n\n\n      <!-- FONTI -->\n      <div class=\"fm-oltre-source\">\n\n        <h3>Sources and references<\/h3>\n\n        <ul>\n          <li>\n            Carl R. Rogers, <em>The Necessary and Sufficient Conditions\n            of Therapeutic Personality Change<\/em>,\n            Journal of Consulting Psychology, 1957.\n          <\/li>\n\n          <li>\n            Carl R. Rogers, <em>On Becoming a Person<\/em>, 1961.\n          <\/li>\n\n          <li>\n            Carl R. Rogers, <em>A Way of Being<\/em>, 1980. Italian edition: <em>A Way of Being<\/em>.\n          <\/li>\n        <\/ul>\n\n      <\/div>\n\n    <\/article>\n\n  <\/div>\n<\/section>\n\n\n<!-- CTA -->\n<section class=\"fm-section fm-section-accent\">\n\n  <div class=\"fm-container\">\n\n    <div class=\"fm-oltre-cta\">\n\n      <span class=\"fm-kicker\">\n        Tra pagine e legami\n      <\/span>\n\n      <h2>\n        This reflection grew out of an episode of the podcast\n      <\/h2>\n\n      <p>\n        If you have come here without listening to it, you can begin with the voice, words and questions that inspired this deeper exploration.\n      <\/p>\n\n      <div class=\"fm-oltre-buttons\">\n\n        <a class=\"fm-btn fm-btn-primary\" href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/episode\/0wc736tY0XcJwQtbnSNuEC?si=SuvcsVzHTOOvVbQwPxK9Bg\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n          Listen to the episode\n        <\/a>\n\n        <a\n          class=\"fm-btn fm-btn-light\"\n          href=\"\/en\/podcast\/\">\n          Discover Tra pagine e legami\n        <\/a>\n\n      <\/div>\n\n    <\/div>\n\n  <\/div>\n\n<\/section>\n\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Oltre la puntata Quando l\u2019ascolto diventa relazione Carl Rogers, l\u2019empatia e quella difficile capacit\u00e0 di non occupare lo spazio dell\u2019altro. C\u2019\u00e8 un momento, dentro molte conversazioni, nel quale smettiamo di ascoltare senza rendercene conto. L\u2019altro sta ancora parlando, ma noi abbiamo gi\u00e0 cominciato a costruire la risposta. Cerchiamo un consiglio da dare. Un\u2019esperienza simile da [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":754,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-753","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-podcast"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.francescomazzarella.eu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/753","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.francescomazzarella.eu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.francescomazzarella.eu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.francescomazzarella.eu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.francescomazzarella.eu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=753"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.francescomazzarella.eu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/753\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":858,"href":"https:\/\/www.francescomazzarella.eu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/753\/revisions\/858"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.francescomazzarella.eu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/754"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.francescomazzarella.eu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=753"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.francescomazzarella.eu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=753"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.francescomazzarella.eu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=753"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}